IVF Update: No more Free NHS rounds left.

Hi Again,

I am almost at the end of the TWW. I am 9dp5dt and this morning i had another BFN. I know it's over. My OTD (Official Test Date) is actually Tues 13th (in 2 days time) but I've now had 3 BFNs in a row and even with my ectopic i had had a positive test by this point.

The worst bit about this now is that i've had a chemical, an ectopic and then this one that clearly didn't even get close. So i have to question my god damn womb. Whats the deal? Why you not let these embryos settle in? Is it the eggs? We know sperm is an issue but were doing ICSI so surely they are finding the best ones...

And now we don't have anymore free NHS goes. We have to find the funds to try again.

ACCESS FERTILITY
My goal for our next go is to get a decent amount fertilised and to day 5. We need frosties. Access fertility offer Multi-cycles and refund cycles. But they don't seem to be a finance loan company, i think they just bulk the whole IVF rounds into a package so you don't have to worry about paying as you go or being lumped with a massive bill.
Look like we are going to need to get a loan.

I feel so empty at the moment, i have no emotions, i'm just fed up of waiting for my time.

IVF Update - Dealing with an Ectopic!

Hi Guys!! I am back! I haven't blogged for ages so i really wanted to do an update.

I can't believe that its been over a year since i spoke on here about my ivf. After my chemical back in July 17, we had to wait 3 months to try again. Then when the time came around the BMI limit had gone down to 29 (it used to be 30). So I couldn't start straight away i had to wait a few more months to get my weight down (annoying!)

So in April 2018 i started again, picked up my injections (short protocol this time) and we managed to get 14 eggs out of the 22 follicles we had. 10 were mature enough to inseminate (we're still doing ICSI) - 4 eggs fertilised and 2 made it to freeze! I've never done a fresh cycle due to the risk of OHSS.

FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) was scheduled for June, my transfer date was 18th June and we transferred 1 embryo. Everything seemed perfect, my lining was 14mm, but my transfer hurt like hell ( i won't be seeing that doc again thats for sure!). It didn't hurt at all the time before, so it kinda upset me, and i have mentioned it to my clinic. He really dug into me, i could feel him poking around!!

I got my first positive, a really faint line on 26th June, 8DPT (left) It was amazing, however i've seen a faint line before, on my last transfer, so i didn't want to get too excited. But my god, i was wishing the day away so i could test again the next day.

I think it's best to show you my notes:

Day of Transfer: Feeling fine, transfer did hurt a bit. Embryo is 5 day blasto and was starting to hatch. Loose bowels in afternoon. 

1dpt - loose bowels in the morning, tired. Bloated but think it’s trapped wind.

2dp5dt - loose bowels again, woke up feeling dehydrated, slight headache. Bit of a sore throat and then got a little bit of brown spotting when I wiped this morning. Might be from transfer though. Breathlessness. Went home from work at midday as I was freezing and shivery. Slept for an hour n half then was boiling. Feeling better by afternoon. Lower back pain all day.

3dpt - slight runny nose in the morning. dull aching in lower right abdomen and back. Twinges on right hand side. Sore throat when swallowing. Light Brown spotting.

4dp5dt - woke feeling fresh and good. No aches or twinges yet. 

5dp - bfn. Too early to test but wanted to anyway. Woke up hungry. Feel mostly normal today, but tired. Feel a bit full in lower stomach but could be nothing.

6dp5dt - BFN. Boobs hurt only when I press them and also when not got a bra on. A bit bloated but gassy.

7dp - BFN on internet cheapie. Boobs a bit sore, feel a bit bloated and lower back pain, kinda like af.

8dp5dt - BFP on first response but very very faint line. BFN on internet cheapie. Feel bloated and full but otherwise fine. Did a walk after work and have backache, maybe I over did it. 31 degrees outside today!

9dp - BFP! Still fainter than control line but clearly there. Had bad back pain, tiny bit of brown cm. felt bloated. Shooting pain left boob at night 

10dp5dt - BFP!! For deffo, did a digital that also said pregnant 1-2 weeks. Eeek. Spotting brown blood but only when I wipe every so often. 

11dp5dt - 29/06/18 - BFP on official test date. Woohoo. Still spotting brown blood. Hospital didn’t take my blood they just gave me more meds (progesterone and fragmin). Scan is booked for July 17th. Sore boobs when pressed. 

We were flying out to Cyprus for a friends wedding on the 1st July. So i rang the clinic on Official Test Date and let them know it was positive and had to go straight in that day (it was a Friday and we flew on Sunday) to pick up more Progesterone injections and my letter for the airport. I had a bit of brown blood when i wiped that day but forgot to mention it to them, i had googled and thought it was just implantation. However it got worse the day we flew...

12dp - still bfp. Almost matches control line. Still getting dark brown spotting

13dp5dt - didn’t do a test today, might take some on holiday. We go to cyprus today. Had more blood today than ever since bfp. Really worried me so bought tests at airport. 

14dp5dt - bfp still, thank god. Still not as dark as control line but I’m using boots test this time. Officially I’m 4wks 6days.

15dp - not bleeding today apart from very very little when wiping 

16dp5dt - Wednesday - bfp. Darker then Monday but a lot of bleeding today. Boobs not hurting as much. Very emotional. 

17dp - boobs not sore, spotting red blood, wearing a pad. cramps but nothing like af.

18dp5dt - spotting bright red again. Wearing pad. Wedding day (friends wedding day)

19dp - sat - red blood. 

This was the day, that halfway through the England match i felt so so uncomfortable that i couldn't sit still. I was wearing a pad because when i was wiping i had blood. I went up to the hotel room and went to the loo, i had belly ache so i wondered if this was why i felt achy and uncomfortable. So i went back down after the match and we went for tea, but i felt really bloated and uncomfortable again so as soon as dinner was finished i went up to the room and we chilled out and i tried to sleep. However i could get comfy, my left hand side hurt so bad. I told rick that since 16 dpt i hadn't "felt" pregnant, and theres something wrong. I just knew it. I googled Ectopic and had a feeling it was that. 

Going to Hospital
We went to the local Cypriot Doctor and they got us a taxi to the hospital as they couldn't do scans. During the scan the doctor said that he could see fluid outside of the womb and couldn't see anything in the womb yet but that was normal due to how many weeks i was. But the fluid wasn't normal. They had to admit me because it was a suspected Ectopic and its so dangerous. So around 2am i was in a bed, and had to kiss rick goodbye till the next day, and yes we both cried...

Because the next day was a Sunday they didn't have any doctors in (crazy i know!) so it was a nothing day of waiting around. On Monday i had another scan and i also had a blood test (which Rick had to take to a pharmacy to be tested) I was still bleeding, but filling around 2 pads a day. I was in pain but not mega pain, they gave me Paracetemol and they seemed surprised my pain wasn't worse. They started to wonder if it was just early pregnancy and not ectopic. However after a few more days, my HCG was going up, as was my pain (but it wasn't constant just every so often i felt uncomfortable, but i was also lying on my back or sitting on a bed all day! On the scan nothing was showing in the womb. Finally on Thursday 12th July they decided it was Ectopic and that i either needed to have a laparoscopy and remove the baby and tube, or take a medication that would make it disappear (however this could take weeks and they would not discharge me until my HCG was 0!) therefore I rang my UK clinic and we decided that the tube was already damaged and we should just remove it and get home quicker. I had now been in hospital for 6 days and was supposed to fly home on Wednesday.
On Friday 13th (my birthday) I had my ectopic removed via Laparoscopy. Probably the worst birthday ever.

The Op
Going down to the operating theatre was awful, first they shoved a pee bag thingy up my pee hole (painful for 2 seconds) then wheeled me down, its like what you see in the films, the lights above you flashing every few seconds. then when we got to this silver room (everywhere looked metal, i had to shift myself onto another bed. They wheeled me into the operating theatre and it was freezing!!! I was shaking so bad. They asked me a few questions, like DOB and if it was my first child :(
Then they put me under.
When i woke up i was in a little room just off the theatre and they had put a heating pipe blowing hot air under my cover because i was shaking. God knows if i was like that all the way through.
I felt uncomfortable, but was glad to get back to my bed. Originally they made out that it would only take 1.5hrs, but i went down at 10am and only got back to my bed around 1:30pm. My fella was really worried.

The next day i was discharged and told to rest but also keep active, so i went down to the poolside with him so he could enjoy the pool and then later in the day we walked down to the town (really really slow) to pick up some tea. The next day we had to buy some clexane from the pharmacy and some dressings for my wounds.

Going Home
Thankfully throughout all of this, our insurance (Tesco) and the hospital we're great. I had forgot my European Health Insurance Card, and the hospital helped me get another one. The insurance sorted everything with the hospital and the only thing we lost out on was the cost of the Taxi's to and from the hospital. If we had realised  that i was going to be in that long we would have hired a car.

Emotionally
Well, emotionally it was tough but i always knew it wasn't the end of the road for us so i never let these things get me down. I know we have more chances. We have 1 more egg from our free NHS cycles, and we are transferring it on 2nd November 2018. If this doesn't work then yes, its a big set back but we will find the money to have another round. I'm determined.

If you have been through this, or are currently going through this, feel free to message me on instagram sarah_icsi_ivf  or on here in the comments :)

IVF Update & Haul - July 2017

01: IVF Update - BFP turned into a Chemical

When the world says "Give up", Hope whispers "Try one more time!"

Following on from my last update...I had had the endo scratch, which went fine and i had to wait for my period before start this FET round. Firstly I started taking my meds (Fragmin, Levothyroxine, Estrogen, Progynova, Folic Acid) and i had a scan around 10 days after to check the lining of my womb. I started taking my Progesterone Pessaries (ew they are messy and quite inconvient, haha) Everything was fine and they scheduled me in for my Transfer on the 13th July (my birthday)

They gave us a call on the 12th July to check we still wanted to go ahead (of course!!) and told us they were going to defrost our embryo :) and would call us back in an hour and half to let us know that it survived. We were so nervous!

After an hour i got a call. I was fearing the worst but the embryologist said it had thawed out perfectly and was a really good embryo, and it had even started to hatch. This was the best news. :)

On July 13th we got up early and drove 1.5hrs to the clinic (we were on holiday in yorkshire all week) 
They were really nice with us. I had a full bladder (as you are supposed to have one) and so i was so eager to get it done. I told the embryologist i had a tilted womb as she hadn't mentioned it and she said "Oh! Please empty your bladder then, it'll be so much harder with a full bladder" - music to my ears!

I lay on the bed with Rick next to me and then showed us our little embaby on the TV screen. It was a little beaut. 

It was a quick but careful procedure, it didn't hurt me at all and we could leave as soon as i was fully dressed afterwards. They wished us the best of luck, told me it wouldn't fall out so just treat it as any normal day but no heavy lifting for a while and she told me of a few things not too eat (pate, runny eggs etc etc)

We drove back to the cottage in Gisburn full of anticipation and hope. 

I was really offside on transfer day, and felt sick and hot the day after too. The following few days i sometimes felt bloated.
I wrote down how i was feeling each day:
2dp5dt (2 days past 5 day transfer) - Lower back ache, tired, losing my breath easy
3dp5dt - Small twinges near left ovary
4dp5dt - no notes!
5dp5dt - I had major cramps and bloating like i felt like i was going to come on my period. Feel uncomfortable sitting still. Lightheaded when missing a meal/not eating regularly.
6dp5dt - BFN (Big Fat Negative) on pregnancy test - no idea why i tested so early, slight back ache, slightly bloated.
7dp5dt - BF? Tested with a Clear Blue early response and i can see a shadow of a line, maybe an evap line?
8dp5dt - BFP!!! Very faint but definitely a line, heartburn
9dp5dt - Still a BFP but still very faint. Heartburn.
10dp5dt - BFP - Rick can clearly see the line. Heartburn, back ache.
11dp5dt - Blood Test Day at Wrightington. POSITIVE! We are pregnant - However my beta is only 22 and needs to double in the next 2 days. Heartburn, feeling bloated.
12dp5dt - didnt take a test. Wanted a break to enjoy it while i can. I google a lot about Beta's and know mine is not good so i am preparing for the worst. 
13dp5dt - BFN - Did a test and saw no line. Showed Rick and he couldn't see one either.   :(
Blood test 2.  They rang back and said my beta was 8.5 and that it was an early miscarriage (chemical pregnancy) and to stop all meds and wait to bleed. 

Very very emotional...however it a massive step compared to last time and i'm very happy to know i can get pregnant. It just wasn't our time. 
I hope this isn't something more sinister wrong like Natural Killer cells or anything, i'm hoping it just bad luck. 

I'm not gonna lie, its been a horrible week. Getting so excited whilst trying not too, seeing the two lines on a test, amazing!! And then the devastating news that it wasn't growing and wouldn't turn into our dream baby. Waiting to bleed. Starting to bleed. its horrible but yet i still feel positive and confident that it will happen for us eventually.

02: Haul Time!

Okay, so lets try and lighten the mod with a haul. When sad, shop!

I got some birthday money and had ful intentions of using it for another bottle of Estee Lauder doublewear and possibley some REN moisturiser. However, when in debenhas i happened to come across a pallette i had been eyeing up online for nearly a year. The Too Faced Sweet Peach Pallette. 

I mean come on!! Just look at it. Its soooo up my street. And smells delish. It was £39, but i had a £10 voucher so i got it for £29 :)

Whilst in Debenhams i had a smell of the Marc Jacobs Decadence and its amazing!!! So when i go away in Aug i am soooo buying that at Duty Free.

I also hit Primark whilst in town, it had to be done. The range was rather shite though, the Wigan Primark did not hit the spot this weekend. I did get a couple of things though, and i love them so much. 

Please welcome my first ever playsuit (will only ever wear this on holiday) and my first pair or 90's mules. Haha.

The playsuit is actually a size up from what i would normally buy because they didn't have my size, however i don't mind this as it feel nice and comfortable. It's black, white and khaki. £10 Primark.

I never thought i would buy a pair of these. I've seen some many vloggers/bloggers getting on this trend and i was lie "omg those are awful!" and yet here i am loving them. I really don't know what changed my mind. These were £10 Primark. They are a lovely mink/nude/grey? I'm not 100% sure what colour they are but i do love them. They have a few other colours and i was tempted by the nude but these looked good with my skin tone however the nude would have gone with every outfit. 

I also picked up these chokers and earrings for my holiday. 

When i was in London at the beginning of July, Gymshark had a pop up store and me and my sister popped in :)

I got the matching leggings and sports bra in grey. The leggings are super high waisted, and super comfy. 

 BUY HERE £40 - (the lilac top is from Tesco £8)

The below camo jacket is from Tesco and is my favourite purchase this month. It's warm even though it's not full sleeves and its casual but gives a little bit of something extra to an outfit. I think it was £15 in the sale. 

ICSI IVF - First round of ICSI and no eggs fertilised!!

I got the call to say that none of our eggs fertilised and it was the most heartbreaking thing i've ever experienced. I literally can't explain the disappointment. The worst thing was, the embryologist was baffled as to why it hadn't worked! She said the sperm and eggs were both good quality..In fact, my eggs had survived the ordeal! They had activated with the presence of the sperm, they just hadn't got to the fertilisation stage. So so sad.

I know you shouldn't expect it to work first time but you just do. It's one of them things, they tell you to stay positive and think positive (because non positive thoughts can affect the process apparently!) but then you build it up in your head and when it goes wrong its the worst feeling, its crushing. You both feel like total failures. We spent most of Friday crying and being generally miserable.

I'd like to say i will be more cautious with my feelings and expectations next time, but because our scenario is so-called 'rare' i am optimistic it will work next time. IT HAS TOO!

I refuse to believe i won't be a mum one day. I really want to experience pregnancy.
There are so many people on facebook and instagram posting Halloween pictures of their babies and its so frustrating. Obviously they are free to do that and when i have a child i will do the same, but it still doesn't make it any easier.

I thought i'd share my timeline and meds:

Day 1: Period arrived, I started Bureselin 0.5mg injections for 3 weeks to shut down my system.
Day 21: Had a scan to check my womb lining was ready, and it was. I carried on taking Bureselin but also started Menopur 150mg the next day to stimulate the ovaries.
Day 8 of stims (friday): Had a scan to check the progress of my follicles. I had 7 on each side measuring around 10mm-13mm. And lots of little ones around them.
Day 11 (Mon): Had another scan and i had 24 follicles(eggs) measuring between 10mm-15mm, i had one at 19mm.
Day 13 (Wed): Had another scan and i still had 24 follicles(eggs) measuring between 10mm-21mm
I got given my trigger injection Ovitrelle 250mg, and took it at 8:15pm. Retrieval is in 36 hours!
Day 15 (Fri): Egg Collection day! 8:15am i went into theatre to be put to sleep. They retrieved 9 eggs, 6 were mature enough to inject with sperm. I went home, i was sick (i drank to soon after waking up) and felt abit swolen but generally in a good mood.
Saturday: Got the call that none of our eggs fertilised.

I am taking Fragmin, to thin my blood as they classed me as having mild OHSS, I also have a tablet to help the syndrome. I still need to take this injection till i have my period.

I have an appointment on 16th November with my Fertility Doctor to find out when we can start again and get some feedback.

Apparently because we didn't get fertilisation and a transfer it isn't classed as 'a go' therefore we still have two more goes at this. Please keep your fingers crossed for us.

Has anyone else been through this? Please comment if you have.